I Did Not Intend To Lie Big Time
I met this woman from Bulacan via internet in early January 2004. I became extremely happy since then. She served as my inspiration to get by, my safety net, my power to hold on and my strength to face life's tribulations. Despite her busy schedule, she managed to chat with me from 2 to 4 hours daily, text me and sent e-cards, beautiful pages and emails. She is so caring, thoughtful, smart, God-fearing, compassionate and very sweet. No wonder I fell in love with her. I tried to control my intense feelings for her but to no avail.
During the course of our conversation, I asked if she'll go for a same-sex affair and her replied was negative. She then inquired, “are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?” I LIED. I was afraid to lose her. I courted her but she wanted us to see each other face-to-face and that I have to tell her I LOVE YOU in person. Then came the moment of truth about “the real me.” I was caught red-handed and I chose not to deny anymore. I am feeling the guilt and that she deserved to know the reality behind my masks. She was very shocked. How can she elaborate to her family and friends the fact that the person she's chatting with and had dreamed of building a family together is not a “he” but a “she”? The pain tore her apart and was hurt so much inside because of my selfishness and lopsidedness, of my fear she might drift away.
She is now trying to pick up the pieces on her own without a relative or a comrade to turn to who knew what transpired. All her dreams were shattered. She is devastated. I, myself was in severe emotional injury too for hurting this wonderful woman. Although my love for her is genuine and that I authentically care, she walked away and left. I can't reproach or blame her for loathing me but I wish she can find the time to forgive me for one last chance. I am very sorry for the pain I caused her and thankfully, the two of us move on and heal our broken hearts. I still love her. If she can only accept me for who and what I am then I can't ask for more. Forgive me, Pam.
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