I mistook extreme guilt and pity for you as true love
My first internet comrade gave me a copy of the song “I will be here” with the lyrics “I will be true to the promise I have made, To you and to the One who gave you to me.” It was a beautiful song given at a time she was in high expectation of something of which I did not intend to do so. She told her akins and close buddies of what would occur in December 2004. I never said a thing to anyone. She was excited, I was not delighted.
From April 2004 to September 13, 2018, I thought she was my one great love. I did not realize that because of extreme guilt and pity towards her which consumed my well being that I mistook them as genuine affection or adoration in authenticity. I wasted 14 long years incriminating myself for something that someone should hold accountable too and not only me. Flirting in silence came from the woman who was so enthused to settle down and build a family with me. But because I was a noob in cyberspace that I failed to recognize her tranquil seduction of me. And I'm sure she never disclosed the FFF haters and her offline friends the real score of what really happened between the two of us. It is of great humiliation on her part to admit that she was quite a flirt or simply, a coquette.
I was bullied to the extreme. My group was stolen from me, paying members were asked to report my main account while I deleted this almost similar profiler. They messed up with my photo similar to the prince of darkness and an ugly person with tail and horns . I was ostracized, made fun of, condemned and stalked all because the said lady did not elaborate in details that she too is accountable for. My toddler and I needed to move to other location so nobody could harm my boy .
After listening to the most important advice, I identified that the feeling I had for her was actually not true love. It was more of guilt as I pitied her for anticipating too much.
And I don't need to be forgiven because it was she who created and programmed her future life with me. I never desire to have any romantic relationship in 2004. I was only here to share my male conviction as a writer and as a poet, nothing more, nothing less. I never deserve the madness and embarrassment she caused me because of her twisted mind, venomous tongue and some pathological lies. By the way, my son was conceived two weeks after I got married so obviously, he is not a bastard.
--Toronto/Sept. 15, 2018
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